Here's a Little Message From My Friend Jackie...

Current Obsessions and Interests!

A few things I'm into at the moment:

Music: Vashti Bunyan. I'm enamored of her sweet soft voice, a gentle and clear whisper. Listening to the lyrics takes me into a dreamlike UK countryside, a place I desperately yearn for, where my heart is at home. I can't seem to get enough of her album "Just Another Diamond Day". If you like dreamy music, she's your girl! Read her bio here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vashti_Bunyan

Books: "Awkward and Definition" by Ariel Schrag. This book is two graphic novels in one, penned by then high-schooler Ariel in the mid-90's, chronicling her freshman and sophomore years. The art is great, the writing well-done and the story-lines charming. I'm about a year older than Ariel, so it's really a blast from the past for me, a little reminder of my own high school experience with references to bands, fashions and the general teenage weirdness of the day. Ariel, being in the Bay Area, was probably more worldly than I was, well... more infused with booze, sex and drugs anyway, but I can still relate to the questions on sexuality, celebrity crushes (even if she literally worshiped Juliette Lewis and I literally spat on her every visage), and experimentation with "adult" games, substances, and responsibilities. I heartily enjoyed reading "Awkward and Definition" and look forward to reading the third installment in her series of 4, titled "Potential". Here's a little more about Ariel and her work: http://www.arielschrag.com/pages/bio.html

Dance: Butoh. I just saw and amazing Butoh performance last night by a group called Death Posture. They performed at the Fez Ballroom with a live experimental noise group made up of two prepared guitarists and a percussionist. I was lucky to have the chance to chat with the two dancers, Alex and Vanessa, about their work, and learned a lot about the meaning, intent and history of Butoh as well as their personal artistic processes. I have played with the idea of studying this dance of Japanese origins in the past, but am now even more interested, as it applies to work I've already done and to work that I'm in the process of creating. It would be a welcome addition to my artistic pallet for sure. Look here for some more info on Butoh: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butoh

Big Adjustments and Harsh Realizations

I'm adjusting.

Recently, I moved out of my roomy, 1 bed apartment into a shared household and a smallish blue room and now, I'm feeling the labor pains of squeezing both my physical self (and all it's various material extensions) and my energetic self into a much smaller space. I'm also having to negotiate my place on the hierarchical rungs of my new home. See, I live with the owners of the house, which in my experience, does not lend itself easily to the egalitarian ideal. No matter how anti-authoritarian and communally minded said owners may be, the cultural concept of ownership usually subverts the best of equalitarian intentions. Just like the territorial spats that are frequenting the lives of my two cats and the other animals of the house, I am acutely feeling the stubborn pressure of people having to create space for me. Space which they occupied previously, and didn't have to share or stretch or compromise on. I sincerely hope that they actually want to share this space, no matter how painful it may be for them to relinquish it, because I sincerely want to feel welcome, cherished, and wanted by those I co-habitate with. I want a home, a place of solitude and sanctuary, a place to freely express myself, my needs, and my ideas, a place to connect with others and feel a part of something real.
Over this first week and a half of living at my new place, I'm finding a mix of feelings ranging from disappointment, uncertainty, self-doubt, defensiveness, joy, relief, and connection.
I've really been enjoying living with kids. I wasn't sure how I'd react to it, but I'm finding that little people bring such a refreshing energy into a living space, a newness and a rawness, which cynical adults can't seem to muster quite so often. I'm interested to see how my relationship with the kids will progress as I continue living in their midst. I'm also finding that simply having others around is making me more productive, and I don't feel so isolated. That's definitely something I missed while living alone, where I cloistered myself from the world, communing with my personal demons and considering various universal conundrums.
Unfortunately, I've also had some harsh realizations. A big one being that I neglected to truly consider the physical creative space that I require to pursue my art. My new house is extremely ill-equipt for the things I want to do. I don't have any real space for messy and/or long term projects like mask-making and costume building. I also feel a little more inhibited when it comes to experimenting musically, especially in the later hours of the evening. While I'm disappointed in myself for not considering my desires more closely, my self-neglect also incites a question about my real needs for space. Looking at myself clearly, in an undeluded and painfully honest sort of way, I can see that I subconsciously ignored my need for creative space because it is a need that is based on the dream of Mlle. Nova as an artist. What I mean is, my desire for a certain type of creative space is based on a vision of my future self, a self which resides in the realm of ideals and dreams, not in current reality. I am not yet the artist I fancy myself to be. I only need specific creative space when I actually commit to doing the work. When that happens, perhaps I will move, or find an art studio or some other arrangement conducive to achieving my goals.
My challenge here is making the best of what I have, by letting the restrictions of the physical and energetic space that I currently occupy, inspire creative action in and of itself. If it is art that I truly need to pursue (and in my best moments, I can honestly say that it absolutely is) then I will find a way to make it happen, in this very moment, against all odds.

The Long Silence

Dear Adoring Fans,

I heartily apologize for the long silence. It's not that I don't love you, it's that my life has simply not been conducive to sitting in front of a computer and imputing various diatribes on one thing or another. I could go into greater detail here, but said current life is preventing it, that and I really have to pee. I do, promise, my lovely friends, that I will be back, in better form, sharing all my misery and joy in the near future. Till then, think of me.... A LOT!!!

Love,
Mlle. Novadawn M.

The Sickly Manifesto

That's me... sickly... I'm sick and tired of being sick!  Being sick has a tendency to put everything on hold.  I don't want everything to be put on hold.  I want to do stuff.... really, I do.  I know I talk a lot about doing things, but now I really want to do them.  I'm serious here, people.  I want to run and play and sing.  I want to enjoy this springtime unpredictability.  I want to drink wine in parks and get kicked out again.  Being sick for three weeks is not allowed.  I hereby banish you, sickness!  I declare myself well!  I declare myself more hearty than I've ever been!  I declare myself invincible against any and all pathogenic micro-organisms that would have me laying about for days on end watching episode after episode of Gilmore Girls, blowing my nose and drinking funky herbal concoctions.  I will watch episode after episode of Gilmore Girls in sparklingly fine health, thank you very much!  So be it! 

The Dating

So here I am... I'm single and getting more elderly everyday. The clock is a-ticking and while I know I still count as a spring chicken, I can't help but wonder if I'll ever be fortunate enough to join the ranks of the happily partnered. See, I love the single life. I love being unattached. I love doing what I want when I want to. I love not having to answer to anyone and not having to compete for blankets whilst I'm sleeping. I love being the one who wakes me up with snores (it does happen on occasion). I love it all. Okay, fine, a certain side of me loves it all. Another side of me wants nothing more than to be happily weighed down by a ball and chain and a little brood of chillens. To deal with and embrace this very naggy, singleton-sabotaging side of myself, I'm doing two things. One, at the end of the month, I'm moving in with a family whose chillens I can borrow when I'm feeling the need to and give back when I don't want em any more. This is a fantastic opportunity to play a semi-parental roll before actually making the life-long commitment to being a parent to my own little creature. I get to be the cool, fun, auntie! This is good. The other thing I'm doing to quell my illogical drive to entrap myself into a life of family values and barbecues, is to DATE. You notice, I'm sure, that date is a four letter word. Apparently, four letter words are supposed to be bad or something... but then 'word' is made from four letters and I don't hear a lot of people wincing at that one. Ah, but that's a tangent for another day. The point I'm making here is... it's dating! I'm not entirely sure I know how to date. It takes some kind of skill, and I wouldn't say I'm particularly well practiced at it. See, mostly what I've done in the past is 'hook-up' with people. I'd be casual acquaintances with someone, and then we'd end up hanging out, and then it might lead to making out, and then, in most cases go nowhere from there. That's not really dating. In dating, you go out, you do interesting things like eat over-priced tapas at some lame yuppie restaurant while wearing sweaty pleather pants and a bicycle helmet. You have a couple of drinks and then you go your separate ways, after you've either vowed to never see the person again or have made plans for another date. Dating is something that materialistic mainstream people do, right? People who have money to throw around. It's not really done very much anymore, it's kind of archaic. But, I want to date. I want that casual formality. I want it to be an interview, because the side of me that wants a partner, means business. Really, what I'm saying here is, I don't just want to hop into bed with someone I barely know and then hope that we've got enough in common to keep some semblance of a relationship going. I don't want to spend years in a relationship with someone I deeply love, who is not going in the same direction as I am. I want to be intuitive and emotional, yes, but also blatantly practical and honest in my assessment of potential mates. I also want to clearly state to the Universe that I am available and open for business. Hey... the biological clock is ticking and I'm tired of having to do everything on my own. So, I figure dating is a good way to go. Got any tips on keeping it light, keeping it real, and keeping it honest? Send em my way.

What it Feels to Dance

Just in case you're looking,

You may find a sunbeam beneath your feet.

This is the world in between,

Where light and shadows meet.

Will you move a little?

Will you bend?

Will you let this carriage inch you closer,

Through your breath and those symphonies of pause?

The light may lift you deeper,

Into levity and gravity,

Into chance and balance,

Into your alchemical no space.