And I Let Go...

In my exhaustion, the fighting in my heart and mind subsides.  I give all the trying to the Mystery, I surrender it all to... what is it?  Fate or Destiny?  My breath feels clearer as I give in and crumble under the pressure.  The phoenix and the tower, explosion and destruction, sacrifice and incineration, these give way to fertile ground.  Even as I write, I create and destroy.  I choose the words that will live in this composition and those that will die or perhaps never have a chance at being included this time around.  My life is no different.  There are little pieces that fit into the puzzle, while other parts slough off to become pieces of something else.  In this moment I feel helpless as a new born babe.  Have I died and returned a new creature?  I've plunged into the depths of Persephone's domain, down into the dungeons of Hecate, I've sucked the blood fruit of a sizzling death.  This has been my descent.  Now, I take pause.  I stop to retrieve my articles shed, to reattach my very flesh and make my journey back.  I humbly hope and pray for new love, new warmth, and a new hearth, a new home for my heart.  

Body Sacred?

What is this thing that keeps me bound to place and time,
to earth, air, fire and water?
What is this flesh that aches and loves?
My body sacred?
A Goddess vessel?
Even after a breeze swept through,
shoving out old rubbish...
well, it seems,
the monsters have more room to move now.
They gnaw at my small confidence, screaming,
"NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
INADEQUATE!
TOO BIG!
TOO SMALL!
WORTHLESS!"
Where is my temple?
This place just feels like a rotting sunken ship,
most of the time.
The sweet voices of Truth tell me that
I've got two moons and a chalice;
tools for creative revery,
but I keep forgetting where I put them.
Why don't I kick them out...
the monsters who keep squashing my silence?
What am I getting out of these common house guests?
What strokes of genius do they offer me after their relentless abuse?
Perhaps they're angry because I've caged them and left them to starve.
Perhaps that's why they're voraciously gnawing at my sacred blood,
my body beyond beauty,
my heart's spiraling light.
Next week I bleed them out,
I birth my parasites and
set them free.